Winter has officially gotten the best of me. Every year around this time I hope that it will be different, and it isn’t.
I’m not the type of person that doesn’t like to be in control, so it’s especially frustrating when I cannot even control my own emotions. I don’t write on my blog about my depression for pity or attention–it’s simply an outlet for a topic that I feel many can relate to, especially during this time of year.
Each year I have noticed that I have found a new way to control my seasonal depression better, and have found ways to learn from it and strengthen my mind and emotions. Some days are worse than others, and today has been one of my better days. I’ve been realizing a lot of different things lately, and have decided that a way to beat this winter’s defeat is to focus on myself.
I could not wait to get out of Leelanau County and leave Traverse City. I couldn’t wait for new friends, new experiences, and living on my own and on my own terms. Six months into living on my own and in a bigger city, I have come to realize that the city is lonelier that I ever could have expected.
I don’t know anyone. I have no one. I am a very social person and love to meet new people and make new friends, so going to a new school should be easy for me right? Wrong. Artists or people who think they’re artists, are a different kind of breed. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met many amazing artists and hold friendships with a lot of creative people, but most of the people I’ve met at Kendall have not been the people I thought were going to be my people.
That said, I suppose I am a lone wolf. Is that the worst thing in the world? No, but having friends sure makes the winter more enjoyable. Homework is getting harder this semester, the workload is piling up, and I think the best thing I can do is focus on myself, my work, and continue to develop my aesthetic as a designer.
Being away from home has made me appreciate it so much more. A classmate told me the other day, “you are a product of your hometown.” Some people may take that offensively (she meant it in a positive way), and while I weighed both meanings of that statement and what I thought about it, I have realized that being a product of my home is the best thing about me, and everything I do is inspired by the most beautiful place in America. So, I’m okay with that.